Two years ago today, I took a 1.5 hour ambulance ride from the ER to the psychiatric hospital. 21-year-old Eli would have said that it's a miracle I'm alive to be writing this blog post right now. I wish someone could have told her that she was actually strong enough to survive.
I'm always hesitant to say that I'm feeling better, because, truthfully, depression has been a roller coaster. I definitely feel a lot better a lot more of the time compared to two years ago, but I also have dark episodes when it feels like the trolley is about to fly off the rails.
I do want to say that this week, I felt pretty good. For what it's worth, I've come a long way in 2 years. Oct 18 last year was difficult; I thought I would end up at the hospital again. But this second anniversary feels a bit like a victory lap, like I've beaten the odds I thought I was facing, and every lap, every year is an affirmation. Maybe, I am more resilient than I think.
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