Things Will Be Ok

I have a favorite t-shirt with a dinosaur looking up as a massive astroid is about to hit the earth, and the caption says "things will be ok."

I probably say that to myself a few dozen times a day, muttering under my breath just quietly enough for passersby to not notice. I alternate between that and "you are strong enough to live this life." When I'm in bed and can't get up for my morning class, I literally say out loud, "come on, Eli, you've got this; get up." It certainly helps that my cat licks me, reminding me that she's due for breakfast.

Strange as it may seem without context, I find that saying something to myself out loud helps to drown the rumination. It's like I have a coach. I say things to myself that I would really want to tell a friend in this position. There are great days, and there are awful ones. But that's ok because on average, the first couple of months of this semester have me astronomically better than the beginning of last semester. I am sitting in my room, unwinding after a relatively successful midterm, and nobody has taken my shoes away on account of the fact that the laces were a danger to me. I don't have someone knocking on the door as I'm showering, making sure that I'm still conscious. I am comfortably in my own PJs, not blue hospital clothes. And I am working as hard as I can to feel better.

"Things will be ok."