Over dinner, my friend announced that he had a wonderful college experience. "What about you," he said. I started spiraling, and it was like someone had wrapped me tightly in a heavy blanket. The last four years have arguably been the worst four years of my life.
I cried more tears than I knew was possible, was severely depressed on multiple occasions, lost people I loved and still love, was in the hospital three times, despised myself for making mistakes, felt more alone at times than I knew was possible, was pushed to take an involuntary medical leave after my hospitalizations, and lost many friendships due to COVID. As someone with high standards for herself, I am extremely disappointed that I won’t be graduating this spring.
But I have also changed drastically as a person. I outgrew my obsession with college parties, became more considerate of how my actions and words affected others, learned that there is so much more to life than graduating from a prestigious college in four years, grew closer to my family, got to know my brother in a way I never did growing up, discovered my passion for skiing and bartending, realized what I wanted to do in life by working 9 different jobs and internships, started to understand my core values, and understood who my true best friends were. I am grateful for all of this. But...it is bittersweet.
I think back to who I was four years ago, and I wouldn’t trade the lessons I have learned for an opportunity to take the pain of the last four years away.
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