I just landed in NYC, and I took an Uber to my new apartment. I feel like I was jolted awake, because I am feeling very unsettled. I miss home, I miss my cat, I miss feeling like I have my own safe space, because this brand new apartment doesn't feel like that right now.
My solution is to sit in the sofa bed, put out the sheets, make a hot cup of cherry blossom tea, take a hot shower, and blog.
First, I tell myself that it makes a lot of sense I don't feel pristine right now. I am sick with an eye infection, a cough, a congested nose, and pretty bad nausea. I am tired from not sleeping on the plane. My comforter and pillow haven't arrived yet. I'm not even in my new bedroom because I have someone subletting it for one more month while I sleep in the living room on the sofa bed. My roommate and friend is out of town until midnight tonight. I landed at 6am, and nobody is awake yet this bright and early on a Sunday. I have all my stuff stored in the bedroom where my subletting friend is sleeping, so I can't get my toiletries. I feel antsy. My cat can't be here for another month. I don't have an ongoing therapist right now because of the move. Everything has changed, I'm not a student, and I have work tomorrow morning where I have to act put-together despite feeling ill.
But things will get better. I know so. I've been dreaming about this day for months. In fact, I've been dreaming about it all throughout my senior year of college. Now that it's here, it's not as rosy as I had imagined, given the circumstances. But there's so much to look forward to. For one, I have so many friends in this city who I will finally get to reunite with. I will get my independence back and get away from the campus that brought back so many painful flashbacks. I can be proud of myself, for working full-time at a job that I love in a city that I've always dreamt of moving to. And if I can make it here, I can make it anywhere. I'm a freshly minted 23-year-old with a job, a degree from an awesome college, and huge ambitions.
It's off to a rocky start, but this is just the beginning.
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