A Natural Disaster

Sometimes, I look happy, normal, and peaceful. At other times, the pent-up pain expresses itself in violent outbursts of tears, anger, and cries of pain like that of a hurt creature. It's the type of explosion you get from shaking a soda can, to the point where the pressure inside is much higher than the atmospheric pressure. Then comes a sharp psst, and my swollen, throbbing heart explodes like a sugary geyser.

The explosion doesn't feel like a relief, it's more of a natural disaster, and I'm left picking up the pieces days later. Mt Eli exploded on Tuesday, and today, my throat still hurts, my eyelids still have red spots on them, my heart is still fluttering. I feel ungrounded, trying to rebuild in the aftermath of a catastrophe. I feel raw, naked, helpless.

Right now, I'm in an earthquake zone, expecting aftershock after aftershock after aftershock, with some that seem to have the potential to become the main shock. Trying to hang in there, although the next few months are looking very bleak. Trying to be resilient.